flow

Your mind is constantly projecting—projecting itself. Your mind is constantly interfering with reality, giving it a color, shape, and form that are not its own. Your mind never allows you to see that which is; it allows you to see only that which it wants to see. -Osho

hence
listening tis a great gift
the grandest gift
to give
and to receive

today
i listened
i let my father speak
although most i’ve heard in times past
but today
it sounded different

through his many roles
provider he deemed of most value
his utmost priority
must provide
at any cost
at all cost

through that
in my perspective
he lost his sight on the prize

who are you providing for
what are you providing for

once upon a time
the drive was simple
to provide for family
to supply an abundance of
so family doesn’t endure hardship
to focus on being one
or so i assume

fast forward a drive-turned habit
habitually unstoppable
can’t stop
won’t stop
shan’t stop
take a deeper look inside
manipura of its utmost imbalance

through providing
you’ve lost unity
through providing
you’ve failed to see anything outside of
through providing
you’ve overcomplicated
through providing
you’ve destroyed
that raw seed of drive
the drive that brought you here today

no matter what happens
from your perspective
its all o k a y
its all e x c u s a b l e
its all w e l l w i t h i n r e a s o n
because at the end of the day
you’re still the provider
and you’re doing the best you can

the irony of life
is it
often the very thing that drives us
becomes the very thing that destroys us
often the very thing that entangles us
becomes the very thing we despise

one thing i did happen to catch
a rare truth of a statement
you admitted fault to parenting
the lack of in each five of us
admitting is the first step
bravo father bravo
it might not be too late

i didn’t interrupt
i watched you move your lips
listened as your thought process unfolded
bare
naked
raw
all that in relation of
communication at its best

how many chances do we get
rare occurrence all the same
life doesn’t stop spinning
can’t seem to draw my focus
mirror to you
perhaps
maybe

– – – –

dad i love you
i truly accept you for all that you are
thank you for showing me
all the to be’s
and not to be’s

i am thankful to be your daughter
US, i’d choose again in lifetimes over
what you provide
allowed me to fly high on this life of mine

you have given me an opportunity
the opportunity
to achieve something
to acquire that thing
unimaginable

i am on my way
through the halted chasing
space you’ve left behind
i have somehow collided
falling into me

– – – –

seek what is beautiful
seek the very thing you want
seek those feelings you lust
crave all that sensation you seek

quora answer to
how to improve
contrary to most
one stood out to me

close everything
stop reading
stop watching
just stop
cleanse yourself
until there is no society left inside
in turn
you might get a glimpse
that sparkle
that outlook that is uniquely yours
truly yours
and that’s the treasure to be cherished

part of lifes journey
the very concept that flows me

we are all born into this world
intuitively knowing
how we feel
what we want
what we like
what we don’t like
we did not have to mask that as babies
we were accepted as we are

soon, it changes
our parents tell us we’re wrong
our teachers tell us we’re wrong
our society tell us we’re wrong
they shove their ideal
their vision
their need to be the absolute
down our throat
through our entire being
derailing us so far from our inner need

we start to believe that
maybe that’s the life
maybe that’s the journey
maybe that’s the mate
to our doing

the furthest quest in life
is the one leading back to you
no city far enough
no river wide enough
no mountain high enough
no journey long enough
than the mission to unravel your in

who am i
what is life
who are you
why is life

purpose?
drive?
survive?
life?
how?
me?
when?

u n r i d d l e m e
please

– – – –

hi
there you are
its been a while
maybe cause its midnight
maybe because your busy mind finally rests

i miss you boo
i do
but i am so happy
everywhere i turn
i feel the love of john
i feel my mom’s love
my visions are actually becoming reality

i am so happy
i wish that for you
wishing you well
wishing you love
wishing you all the best

sorry i can’t be there
i no longer have that right
for all the right reasons
be well
never stop flowing~

afterlight

student of life!

– – – –

furthering me
resolution to complete books
choosing books

author OSHO
all sorts of titles
I WANT IT ALL
IT ALL SEDUCES ME SO
but i must make myself choose
what priorities
what values
i most desire to understand

FEAR; first and foremost
understanding and accepting the insecurities of life
fear is there
so look at it
go very very deep
a big part of understanding oneself, any self
is through fear

LOVE, FREEDOM and ALONENESS
a new vision of relating
no expectation of any sorts
so curious to the content it holds
aloneness.. detachment?
something i’ve been overcoming
fear of being alone took center stage
it made me feel small often
but i’ve recently discovered that
myself is the best company
and until i can be my own best friend, best confidant
be able to love me in the way i desire to be loved unconditionally
no one else
nothing else
can fill that void
OFF TOPIC
that’s where my mind takes me HA

last but definitely not least

CREATIVITY; alignment with my rebellion
unleashing the forces within
MY QUOTE FOR THE DAY
for the week
for the month
for the year
FOR LIFE, maybe!
rebellion comes so naturally to me
and i’ve only had my parents to rebel against
as well as anyone that loved me
i’ve acted so repulsively through my small ass mind
BUT NO MORE
i’m ready to evolve
to find my right rebellion in the world surrounds
insight!
I EGGGGGCITE

– – – –

– – – –

this sensation on my body
army of millions marching on my back it seems
no complaints
cherishing this humanly experience
my choice
endure it
necessity to move on up

my life trend
written
erase
rewrite
erase

history of my inks

back of left thumb summer o5′
broken test tube
bad chemistry
best buds from primary/secondary
nothing good ever comes of our gathering
oh but the most pure rebellious forms of life
16/17 *lasered four sessions

right ankle bone summer o5′
green leaf of the maryjane
HA life long companion i once deemed
had a dream of being the coolest grandma
smoking a joint on my rocking chair somewhere
OH MY EFFIN GAWWWD XD
16/17 *lasered once, retatted and removing again lol

back of left ear summer o6′
music notes of blue and green
the most important sense to me
for me to hide away from my brain
cherish notes of all kinds
cherished melodies
18 *lasered once, retatted

right hip august o7′
phoenix
WHAT THE FUCK
six feet under
spontaneity at its finest
dug his needle so deep
start of something i wish could have avoided
19 *covered with dragon

left wrist
NO REGRETS in black ink
first tat to remain in its original state
it was funny
first afterthought was that of I REGRET
i humor myself
i have learned to love this very deeply so
20 *

right wrist
McQueen in white ink
so daint
fragility of life
hung by a thread
in remembrance of my first hero
he who truly inspired that lost soul
in creations that last beyond life

you’ve got to know the rules to break them…that’s what i am here for – to demolish the rules but keep the tradition.
Alexander Mcqueen20 *

originally just right side body
ended up being whole back to half of right thigh
my DRAGON outline
game of throne
jk way before its time
made more sense dragon > phoenix
i am a dragon of 1988
underlining motive: wanted him to break up with me
i didn’t know how to get away
that toxic relationship
kept rebelling in areas that would drive him mad
kept pushing the limits
even when it was to the extent of hurting myself like so
but damn he still didn’t do as i presumed
breaking point for mom and dad alike
this broke them….
broke their fantasy of who they thought i was
i am sorry
21 *layered once at 21 and 29 – ongoing project

right forearm
FARever YOUNG in white ink
omysighggggggggggg
crazy summer of no consequence in mind
clumps of white
clips or memories fade in and out
summer of 12’
drifter of life
24 *covered

under right boob
to infinity and beyond
no… not a buzz lightyear fan per se
feeling unstoppable?
i have no idea where i was
where my mind was
but party
tail end of butterfly
wanted to sore into the sky
prior to last move to taiwan
encouragement for self i think
25 *

right thigh
stacks of roses
inspired by summer of styling
preen printed shirt
start of big vision in mind
led to my pilot artist friend for life
wheels started to turn
life began in motion
roses europe timothy
26 *first picosure laser session 2 days ago

right rib
blacked out TRIANGLE
obsession with this shape
the representation of perfect balance
none would stand
not without that perfect angle
life continues to shift
getting clean in my inner and outer being
isolated road to sobriety
isolated state of cleaning
cleaning my room but cleaning my brain too?
repeated pain to remind myself
this journey i embark
26 *this stays FOREVER

left back behind heart
hollow CIRCLE
for family
for my whole heart
it represents that never ending circle
that bounds us
to karma
to life
i felt something then
i felt whole for once of the first time ever
27 *this stays too

right forearm coverup
watercolor flower
late bloomer
blooming came later than most
still in process i feel
the subtleness
the new colors i allow in
it sets a mood
for my days to come
i love it
starting to discover what i want
how i want it
it feels good
27 *this is staying as well

last but not least

left collar bone
LOOK INSIDE
see me in the mirror
look deeper
this is for my inner child
the most pure form of my being
going through the darkest time of its life
night is darkest before dawn they say
i realize that now
that immense amount of pain
every little bit that i buried with my exile
i had to let it surface
to face my most deep my most dark
to set myself free
to love myself truly
i am truly whole
in this moment in time
that phase i shall never forget
this in memory of
the first of its kind
the piece of me that belonged
welcome home
28 *forever forever foreverrrrrrrrr

yas. my journey with le ink.
five artists
one friend
all me
FUCK hahaha
truth be told
i don’t think this is the end

– – – –

recovering
company of game of thrones
learning
cryto
researching
split
reading
osho

self love
self contentment
fuller hearts joy

i love my brother
i love my mother
i love my father
i love my family
i love my friends
i love love
i love me ❤

redhairyogi007

year to  l e a r n
f u n  objective i deem
addition of  s e l f

s c h o o l  of sorts
understanding
identifying
c o m p r e h e n ding
proficiency of self
one level  u p

– – – –

2  0  1  8

  • f i n d  website designer
  • c l e a n  out storage
  • create/produce icy  s o n g
  • i f s  training
  • l a u g h ing  yoga training
  • restorative yoga training
  • host one icy class
  • host one dinner party with  c o l l a b  (aiming for march)
  • white out car  i n s t a l l a t i o n  (april)
  • learn  d u t c h
  • learn to  f l y   a helicopter
  • left nipple ring
  • tat removal
  • try to make one new dish/ w e e k l y
  • physical  s t r e n g t h  building: boxing, dance & acroyoga
  • d a i l y  blog of the things i see, read and learn

 

T R A V E L

  • san francisco o125-o129
  • new york city o221-o3o1
  • san francisco o322-o326
  • taiwan for 30th birthday
  • copenhagen o5o8
  • scanadavia & russia o512-o6o2
  • berlin o6o2
  • amsterdam o6o5
  • croatia o7o2
  • boom, belgium (tomorrowland?)
  • prague o8o7
  • budapest (sziget fesitval) o8o9
  • london?
  • japan?

 

– – – –

2  0  1  7  m y  r  e c a  p

  • love is infinite
    b i r t h  of
    my wildest dream
    d o  b e  g o o d
  • a c c e p t ance and letting go

in so much i read
so much i learn
if it comes, let it
if it goes, let it
how easier it is so said than done
for a type a control freakturning point
g o l d e n  i s l a n d lesson
it happened
and i truly let it go
d i g n i t y is mineseeked c l a r i t y of its entirety
understood that self knowledge was that l i g h t at the end of the tunnel
p a s s e r b y teacher identity i realized
self love through our perfectly i m p e r f e c t bits
l o g i c al perspective
my capability of faith and  l o y a l t y
life coach free of charge HAHA

life is good to me
best timing
heart filled with g r a t i t u d e to its fullest extent

  • joy of working
    smiling faces of pilgrim school
    ingrained memory
    heart warming i n n o c e n c e
  • sense of belonging
    shift of perspective
    be where i am
    see myself as one with all
    similarity > differences
    less distance
    being present
    being in me
    taste of inner peace
  • t r u s t
    i n  me
    in the  u n i v e r s e
    in others
  • f a m i l y
    resistance no more
    permission to allow them in
    their love language
    their nurture
    nothing comparesthe love i seeked elsewhere
    was right next to me
    they have been loving me
    in their way
    for as long as i can remember
    for as long as i have been around
    cleared to see
    cleared to feel
    cleared to receive
    not too late to clear to appreciate
  • little seed
    f i v e weeks f i v e days
    magical warmth
    motivation to g e t  b e t t e r
    b e  stronger
    acquire all that i can
    to provide a  s a f e  place
    to birth
    to grow
    at  y o u r   r e t u r n
    cellular memory
    for yous

 

N E W  P L A C E S

 

  • laguna beacho1o8-o114
    transformation
    nurture for my inner child
    appreciation for the big blue
  • phuket, thailand o4o8-o412
    witness of true love’s union ❤
  • ojai o8o4-o811
    mission statement
    secluded peace
    wee yogis
    golden island
    special needs child release
    turning point*
  • san francisco o831-o929
    home away from home
    self efficacy
    majectic greens
  • oahu & maui 1115-1122
    island fun
    last waves of letting go
    one with waterfall
    reunion of love souls

three four seven

  

life
what is

THIS IS

– – – –

so hard to put these feels into words
this amazingness
awesomely out of this world
almost out of body
insanely unreal
experience to the say the least

from the glance of my reflection in his eyes
to my reflection in all my recent encounters

i see ME
the me i am destined to be

how fucking sick
to get here
not even in twelve months time
super powers i must possess
LOL
just keeeeeding

priorities straight
fights no more
i am so sure
one hundred percent
no need to bicker for acknowledgement
the result is inside
shining outwardly

amongst every contact
exuding the best
acceptance of all
understanding perspective

after all, we are just human
fighting for our own
searching for our light
exploring for our home

the home in ourselves
the home in our other half
the home in our family
the home in our love

only the beginning
the beginning of my next journey
i can hardly contain the excitement
lots of preparation
last week to subdue
finish with a bang bang sha bang
2 0 1 5
you’ve been so good to me
i fucking

L O V E

hohoho

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/85c/64666020/files/2014/12/img_6862.jpg

maison michel
M O T H E R d a u g h t e r
matching
together forever

– – – –

h o l l y j o l l y

thankful for my family
holiday everyday
s p o i l e d

custom monogram case
dollah dollah beels yall
picasso-to-be kit + sex shades
date with elphaba & glinda in hollywood
unthoughtout credits

– – – –

i can kind of see
mildly visible
your withdrawal
your troubles

efforts appreciated
continuous forms of communication

much to prove
tolerable mr right meow
something mysterious
still intriguing

– – – –

no bs
testing my limits
attracted
can i bi?
weirdly pushy
honest
potentially yummy

c h a n c e ?

– – – –

w i t t l e o n e
long awaited plans
along for the ride
i likey
c o n q u e s t

i aint going no where
show and tell

p o s s i b l y . . . .
too little too late

– – – –

need isolation
need space
need rediscovery
need filler
need cells
need white+

R E f u c k i n g S E T
get ready for the end of a new beginning

its coming

– – – –

you’ve been great
2 0 1 4