afterlight

student of life!

– – – –

furthering me
resolution to complete books
choosing books

author OSHO
all sorts of titles
I WANT IT ALL
IT ALL SEDUCES ME SO
but i must make myself choose
what priorities
what values
i most desire to understand

FEAR; first and foremost
understanding and accepting the insecurities of life
fear is there
so look at it
go very very deep
a big part of understanding oneself, any self
is through fear

LOVE, FREEDOM and ALONENESS
a new vision of relating
no expectation of any sorts
so curious to the content it holds
aloneness.. detachment?
something i’ve been overcoming
fear of being alone took center stage
it made me feel small often
but i’ve recently discovered that
myself is the best company
and until i can be my own best friend, best confidant
be able to love me in the way i desire to be loved unconditionally
no one else
nothing else
can fill that void
OFF TOPIC
that’s where my mind takes me HA

last but definitely not least

CREATIVITY; alignment with my rebellion
unleashing the forces within
MY QUOTE FOR THE DAY
for the week
for the month
for the year
FOR LIFE, maybe!
rebellion comes so naturally to me
and i’ve only had my parents to rebel against
as well as anyone that loved me
i’ve acted so repulsively through my small ass mind
BUT NO MORE
i’m ready to evolve
to find my right rebellion in the world surrounds
insight!
I EGGGGGCITE

– – – –

– – – –

this sensation on my body
army of millions marching on my back it seems
no complaints
cherishing this humanly experience
my choice
endure it
necessity to move on up

my life trend
written
erase
rewrite
erase

history of my inks

back of left thumb summer o5′
broken test tube
bad chemistry
best buds from primary/secondary
nothing good ever comes of our gathering
oh but the most pure rebellious forms of life
16/17 *lasered four sessions

right ankle bone summer o5′
green leaf of the maryjane
HA life long companion i once deemed
had a dream of being the coolest grandma
smoking a joint on my rocking chair somewhere
OH MY EFFIN GAWWWD XD
16/17 *lasered once, retatted and removing again lol

back of left ear summer o6′
music notes of blue and green
the most important sense to me
for me to hide away from my brain
cherish notes of all kinds
cherished melodies
18 *lasered once, retatted

right hip august o7′
phoenix
WHAT THE FUCK
six feet under
spontaneity at its finest
dug his needle so deep
start of something i wish could have avoided
19 *covered with dragon

left wrist
NO REGRETS in black ink
first tat to remain in its original state
it was funny
first afterthought was that of I REGRET
i humor myself
i have learned to love this very deeply so
20 *

right wrist
McQueen in white ink
so daint
fragility of life
hung by a thread
in remembrance of my first hero
he who truly inspired that lost soul
in creations that last beyond life

you’ve got to know the rules to break them…that’s what i am here for – to demolish the rules but keep the tradition.
Alexander Mcqueen20 *

originally just right side body
ended up being whole back to half of right thigh
my DRAGON outline
game of throne
jk way before its time
made more sense dragon > phoenix
i am a dragon of 1988
underlining motive: wanted him to break up with me
i didn’t know how to get away
that toxic relationship
kept rebelling in areas that would drive him mad
kept pushing the limits
even when it was to the extent of hurting myself like so
but damn he still didn’t do as i presumed
breaking point for mom and dad alike
this broke them….
broke their fantasy of who they thought i was
i am sorry
21 *layered once at 21 and 29 – ongoing project

right forearm
FARever YOUNG in white ink
omysighggggggggggg
crazy summer of no consequence in mind
clumps of white
clips or memories fade in and out
summer of 12’
drifter of life
24 *covered

under right boob
to infinity and beyond
no… not a buzz lightyear fan per se
feeling unstoppable?
i have no idea where i was
where my mind was
but party
tail end of butterfly
wanted to sore into the sky
prior to last move to taiwan
encouragement for self i think
25 *

right thigh
stacks of roses
inspired by summer of styling
preen printed shirt
start of big vision in mind
led to my pilot artist friend for life
wheels started to turn
life began in motion
roses europe timothy
26 *first picosure laser session 2 days ago

right rib
blacked out TRIANGLE
obsession with this shape
the representation of perfect balance
none would stand
not without that perfect angle
life continues to shift
getting clean in my inner and outer being
isolated road to sobriety
isolated state of cleaning
cleaning my room but cleaning my brain too?
repeated pain to remind myself
this journey i embark
26 *this stays FOREVER

left back behind heart
hollow CIRCLE
for family
for my whole heart
it represents that never ending circle
that bounds us
to karma
to life
i felt something then
i felt whole for once of the first time ever
27 *this stays too

right forearm coverup
watercolor flower
late bloomer
blooming came later than most
still in process i feel
the subtleness
the new colors i allow in
it sets a mood
for my days to come
i love it
starting to discover what i want
how i want it
it feels good
27 *this is staying as well

last but not least

left collar bone
LOOK INSIDE
see me in the mirror
look deeper
this is for my inner child
the most pure form of my being
going through the darkest time of its life
night is darkest before dawn they say
i realize that now
that immense amount of pain
every little bit that i buried with my exile
i had to let it surface
to face my most deep my most dark
to set myself free
to love myself truly
i am truly whole
in this moment in time
that phase i shall never forget
this in memory of
the first of its kind
the piece of me that belonged
welcome home
28 *forever forever foreverrrrrrrrr

yas. my journey with le ink.
five artists
one friend
all me
FUCK hahaha
truth be told
i don’t think this is the end

– – – –

recovering
company of game of thrones
learning
cryto
researching
split
reading
osho

self love
self contentment
fuller hearts joy

i love my brother
i love my mother
i love my father
i love my family
i love my friends
i love love
i love me ❤

real

  
code

don’t say no
no doors closed
all roads opened
the pick of the world

– – – –

the inevitable
not so bad actually
facing it soberly
ace of clubs it shuts

karmic
i owe you
if this is all
praise the lord
farewell can easily be bid

neptune
the fantasy to you
rose colored goggles
can’t see me for who i am
i can see that
if not even purposely driven
not sure
i assumed of more pull
be it, let go

pluto
want to lure you in
want the restriction
want you to wear your heart for me
if the chance
i shall conquer
i seldomly swear

three times the fun
waits the game
hope to cross paths again
i am grateful
good riddance to you for now

xoxo

– – – –

treasure map
so surreal
is this really happening
two years later
long overdue
wonder what’s in store
honest no game
in it just for the fun
perfect aesthetics
look forward to
touch, feel, play
don’t tease
for real
come inside
i am ready

– – – –

the accent
the gentleman
completely wowed
expecting fuckboy nonetheless
tomorrows the night
apologize for the wait
best version is worth it
pinky promised

good asset
toy i deem

– – – –
– – – –

creative space
talents the bore
what is the motive
the green?
the booze?
the women?
the passion?
how to assume ones
unsure
who cares
the glitz and glamour
always replaced
one after another
the sooner you look
the clearer it becomes
transparent

melodic
dark
grunge

what does that all embody?
what is everyone chasing?
what glosses these glasses?
dream chasing money back guarantee?
questions questions questions
up close and personal
negatively positive spaces

problem child
my muse
my inspiration
opening my eyes
growing visuals
love it
embrace it

– – – –

after thoughts
actual genuine
facade to impress the glam
goofy goody what
going under
blown up it may be
best of luck to you

pretty face
layered presentation
yet to puzzle
open to create
present more
further
we shall see

name necklace
bid farewell
five years
tear
fuck my life
carelessnesssssss

– – – –
– – – –

tucking the rest of the year up
managing the thoughts carefully
thank all that not belong
welcome all ye positive and bright

focusing on this being
the being of self
the beings of my space

make it full
make it passion
make it shine
make it completely mine

– – – –

which which
L O VE

carousel 

round and round
we go
will i catch up to love
i could never tell

come
come on
come all

oh come take my hand
so high
too high at this playground of mine

all fun and games
til one falls in love
you’ve already bought the ticket
no turning back now

– – – –

master of time
reconfirmed
sexy hands
that natural vibe
so free flowing
feels really nice
so much giggles
we look nice

pretty darn sexy
in your arms i feel
pretty darn enticed
within your aura don’t you know

i like
attracted
buckle up
ride

– – – –

whites
the purest
most innocent

want to show you the world
want to hold your hand to explore

my proposal
best kind of experience
hope you will be on board

i wana guide you
i wana play you
i wana feel you

don’t resist
trust me and lets go

– – – –

twisted noon
feelings fading
maybe never
sigh

– – – –

big ole grey cloud
tis’ you
i felt
intuition on fleek
not about that life
all kinds of hidden agendas
not down to play
no game
boohoo
to find what you’re looking for
might take a weeeeee big longer
so long precious
le void you filled
appreciated

– – – –

new little life
year of change
grateful for it all
how big changes you’ll bring
i love you already
you little baby boo
get bigger safe and sound
await your arrival
welcome to this world

– – – –

countless days of sobriety
countless days of happiness
so fucking clear
it all

free to dream
free to do
free to create
nothing to stop me now

refocus
re-read
one more month of cruising
before speeding straight into life
this life
amazing it has been

i love
i laugh
i live

T H A N K F U L

wonder

The greatest of human emotions is love. The most valuable of human gifts is the ability to learn. Therefore, learn to love. –UJ Ramdas

i wonder
what it takes
for my papa bear
to figure this simple concept out
complexity
seems to be the theme
ever-changing
instability

i
planted seeds
seeds of thought
hoping for that silver lining
hoping that it is not too late

that sense of loneliness
that sight of hopelessness
what has led you to this
series of unfortunate decisions

little voices
i do regret
not staying and fight it out
i mustn’t guilt
i needed my sanity
i needed to become who i am right now
to be the rock they need
in time as such

this is heavy
heavier than accustomed
i foresee lots of directions
i felt weird things

its my time to give back
sending my parentals the best
unconditional love
from their blood their heart

my mama bear
how i cringe
at the person he made you be
how much you have sacrificed
for him and the rest
i understand
i promise not to let you down
pride in me
i assure you
i will take you above and beyond
bring you inner peace
expose you to more beautiful scapes
better angles of life

– – – –

i
have so much
fucking feelings
emotions
overloading my tear ducts
flooding my cheeks
fogging my brain

last day is the hardest
night is darkest before dawn

my whole journey has led me to this
to this peak of reality
i won’t shy away
i am fucking ready
to battle this out
with the love i have for my family
alongside my bloods

keep bettering myself
be swifter than the rest
must glue us together
the destiny

– – – –

one day away
one year anniversary
version two point oh
evolving into version two point one
as i type
the deepest of my neurowaves
this outlet i have
make the best of
odd talent i have

dont stop
c r e a te

visions

You can have anything you want if you are willing to give up the belief that you can’t have it. -Robert Anthony

again,
the Five Minute Journal gets it

– – – –

feeling really uninspired
stopped seeing things
stopped envisioning dreams
mid air drifting
directionless

seeking materialistic
again, this void
rein in this uncontrollable beast
unstable
too much to handle

– – – –

see the good
feel the good
be the good

– – – –

connect
web of
seven nation army

– – – –
the whites kicking in
mann this is what i need
a little white to my life
a little color to spare

lights dimming
i feel my thoughts turning
i really just need to embrace
this is much greater than
flatlined with no ups or downs

need to push
i need a push
push me,
please

– – – –

okay
i feel back

b a

expanding

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expanding infinitely
we paused and said out loud uninamously
interesting
so many soul mates
i am too lucky
platonic chivalry i assume

– – – –

just close your lips
follow my lead
you can be trained
but i don’t know if im into it
you’re cute
stay unbreakable

– – – –

the honest
the wild
the crazy
the kink

i am pretty excited
can’t wait to meet you too
too intrigued
can hardly contain

– – – –

as for you you little punk
i got you
for some reason
deep down inside
i want to take care and nurture you
i want to lick your wounds
i want to hold you

i can do all that
with no emotions attached
it’s quite cool, isn’t it

your charms
your face
your words
all helped me on this new road
and i thank you

can’t wait to play again
you sex
you kiss
you lick

b i t e m e h a r d e r

snap

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snapped back to reality

truth
so much truth
lots to swallow

– – – –

tuning in for the best now
only the best
because I deserve the best

the best is around the corner

– – – –

relaxed day
lazy
bummin
rolling around

feeling sexy
wolfie from down under
just teasing
too many miles away

– – – –

single awareness week
A L R I G H T
im ready boo

my head
my life
my voice

h i p h i p h o o r a y

blow

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blow my mind
or better
blow yours
with a shotgun
no guts left

its my own problem
sick in the in
unable to express
any bit of e m o t i o n
killing off mine
just not somebody new

sinking cells
sunken all the way
what was it used to be
blurry so cannot be
fuck me
how

this shitting cycle
ugh unable to breathe

– – – –

O I N K
adventure time one of my third
white gurl crazy
that slice of bacon
shakin his thang
all laughs

droplets of missing you

F I T
popo airforce lion
too much self love
so much narcissism
different kind of crowd
interesting products
all competes
lines
different world

yummilicious hot
melt in your mouth

unwind

– – – –

too much time to think

spinning rut
spiral of overthinking

close one eye
shut down my mind

twirling out of control
filling the void with garbage
not better
almost disgusting
the internet
these communications
wipe them off

can i be normal now?
over being emo

p l a y d e a d

inimical

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n o t

– – – –

admitting feelings
hard hard thing
surprising feeling
unimaginary

smiles and giggles and brights and more
from your lips to your sternum down to your toes
licking every inch of my skin
holding on that time
is it no more?

get out of my head
driving me crazy
quite frankly
hung over the edge I feel
thus why
all these randoms
the net to break my fall

blehh x x

– – – –

what falling in love is
ever get to experience me that
that feeling of longing
for more than the physical being

that smile
that twinkle
truly happy for you

shining
shimmering
splendid

J A H

urge

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strange sudden overflowing

urge to know
urge to discover
urge to open
urge to linger

what to do with all this urge
where to set it
how to deal with it

many unanswers
swiveling in my helpless mind

– – – –

read . . . so easily

how . . . did you manage to see

felt . . . magnetic connection

scared . . . too close to heart

attracted . . . absurdity

pulls . . . insanely

– – – –

i feel tangled in you
still and over and again
lucky charm, you say
then can you really show me?

i am just waiting

i am no longer approaching

too much pain
too much uncertainty
too much unsubstance

at the stop
looking over my shoulder
the shadows flashes

ifs
whats
maybes
indefinitely

– – – –

drop its
R E focus
goals in stone

k e e p on g o i n g