i don’t
see
nothing
i am tired

three months in
no more sparks
is this the way
its meant to be

i dont want to repeat
my wants incessantly
i don’t want to compromise
for solo team it seems

goodbye yellow
it has been a good ride
i conquer things within unexpectedly
i have grown
seem to already have outgrown you

i need more
you need something else
good luck

to be frank
i love you
unconditionally
but…as a friend
i am not in love with you
i don’t want to settle for this

sure its not just on my side
future seems blurry
almost nonexistent
yes i am aware
not oblivious

patience i was working on
but i cannot continue
without a clear reward in sight

– – – –

twenty four hours ago
same chair i sit
much more relieved
much more light

in being with you
i somehow lost myself
the most important relationship actually
is what i have with i

impulsive, maybe
but i truly believe in letting go
what’s ours will be ours
little time and distance
will make it clearer
either way it swings
i got this

somehow i have faith
in a second chance with you
hopefully then right foot we can start
more cohesive
even more in sync
nevertheless friends we will stay

fundamental needs
for you and for me
awaits the future

i love you yellow
this love is strong
that’s why i had to make this decision
at the limbo we were in
we were heading for resentment destruction
i can feel our growing fear
i can feel the magnitude of that bubble
bubble of our fear’s illusion
no hesitation allowed
had to 快刀斬亂麻

i want to love you
i want to love you unconditionally
whether as a friend or lover
highest good, i truly believe

– – – –

so proud of me
i recognized the need
the need to re-indentify myself
it showed me so many things
needed more work
needed more time
no better candidate
than my pure innocent yellow

– – – –

four days in
countless validations
this city i sit
how much difference six months make

i miss you
but i need to celebrate
i inherently knew
wrong path we swayed

its that click
my affinity towards you
confirmed of not the first lifetime
wow

– – – –

after day four
first day of the city limits of austin
i realized
this really truly isn’t about you
it’s me
it’s all me
this is who i am
this is who i need to be
this is how happy i must feel
i fought to be where i stand
i must strive for growth
no stagnant allowed

one hundred percent back
celebration
fuck yes
welcome back girl!!!

this feels so good
this mountain i’m climbing
one hundred percent all mine
all my hard work

the change and transition
vacillating state stuck
light at the end of the tunnel
i’m almost there
in manifesting the love i deserve

this is my life
i need to put in one hundred percent effort
take one hundred percent responsibility
in the manifestation of my highest good
brightest future
self-love
truly conquering it

alice, we got this!
this life
o n e l i f e